A Gill and A Way

This is a quote in one of my favorite articles which is Jose Rizal's essay "El Amor Patrio (For Love of Country)." This is a piece that's widely taught in schools but many seem to overlook the message woven between his beautiful words on how the love of country, once marked inside of you, will never leave. And how love of country will also push you to do what you can to improve its conditions especially when we are experiencing all these social maladies (RIZAL PUN, PLEASE APPRECIATE).

After all, as Rizal then followed after saying that first quote that love has always been the "extreme force" behind the most sublime actions and that the love of country has lead to many heroic deeds.


Nearly two centuries later, the love of country is needed more than ever.

It's apparent with the events this 2020 just how much we need to rally our rights especially when it's challenged by those who challenge the law and think they can get away with it. Twice to thrice as much as the people who think they can get away from the law are the million who are suffering because of unjust enforcement.

I will ask you, in a country that has declared its independence over a hundred years ago, has it really been free?

Nagdudusa na ang Inang Bayan

We all have individual freedom and that is limited to not stepping on other people's rights. And as a "Free country" with a Constitution that has enshrined the rights we have, why are our rights suddenly at risk? Why is this supreme law also being challenged?

It seems asking for assurance in providing a country with basic needs such as healthcare and education is suddenly too muck to ask. It's as if speaking out on the shortcomings of those we voted to power in the first place has become our faults rather than theirs who break their promises. It's as if protocols and guidelines crafted especially in managing this time of the virus crisis have not even had the masses in mind.

And yet, priorities are made instead on other things rather than providing efficient assistance to the millions who are affected by this pandemic. As this pandemic continues to constrain all activity, why is this government also suddenly defending how it is also constraining our freedom?

Constraining in a "I will limit your freedom of speech, actions, etc" type of way, by the way. The lockdown of course restricts our actions but it is needed if we need to contain this virus.

What do you do if the power-hungry, the incapable, and the unemphatic are either ones who guard people like hawks to find ways in imposing authority or are ones who could barely even care how much the country has been suffering?

What happened to the leaders we need to look up to and learn on how to love this country by always thinking of the common good and letting fairness happen for everyone? Why is it suddenly a game where we're all pitted against each other as the powerful swiftly builds more walls instead of bridges?

Love recognizes not only beauty and the good but also staying through the ugly and bad--and finding ways to address it especially if it drags everyone down. In many scenarios, people leave partners who are abusive, toxic, selfish and it is wise to do so. But with our country, all these struggles she is facing, is it wise to leave? Is it wise to stay quiet and allow what our forefathers fought for evaporate forever?

We need the love of country because it fuels the desire for its improvement. Love isn't always blind and should NEVER be especially when you love a country, you will never allow greed to deprive its citizens from their freedom. Because when that happens, freedom will only remain only a mere mist of an idea than the independence our forefathers died for.

Hahanapin at ipaglalaban natin ang tunay na kalayaan

And how the quarantine saved my skincare (lol)

I noticed with better skin, with or without makeup, there's a certain glow that shows not even good makeup can give. Only wore a bit of powder for base here and concealer on some acne scars.

In highschool, my favorite thing to do after class besides going home is to go to the nearby Mercury Drug to replenish my beauty soaps that did nothing to my skin, whitening lotions that only gave me a white film, and Myra-E moisturizer sachets (the only moisturizer I can afford then even if it gave me awful butlig) when they run out for me. My most expensive skin item was a tub of bentonite clay from Healthy Options, which helped me with my occasional zits back then.

In college, it would still pretty much be the same however I usually had no regular routine since I was too tired to do so every night and I knew I had good skin genes to back me up. I loved sheet masks and tried them like how I'm eager seeing different flavored candies in the store. However, it made me breakout too because too much moisture for my oily skin? Should have known better!

Fast forward now in my mid 20s, with me hopping from one routine to the next to simply none at all which has become a vicious skin cycle, I still see skincare as something important but after buying a P1,000 Pixi Toner that did nothing to my face after enjoying the first few weeks of glowing skin, I told myself skincare is not an investment beyond Watsons pricing--unless someone gifts me a jar of La Mer (Not in this economy).

However, with the quarantine, I felt emotionally unwell. Countless talks with counselors through the phone all seemed to give me the same kind of advice, which is to lose focus on things I cannot control. I've been weighed heavily on these types of thoughts especially during the first month of quarantine and boy, was it HEA-VY. They were all big problems for me but also, they were all inevitable anyway so no use in wishing it happened otherwise.

I learned slowly about self-care in little ways, be it a few of minutes of reading or hours of writing. I learned how a self-care ritual of any purpose served me the needed push and motivation, especially in those moments I kept beating myself down. But the most significant for me was discovering how skincare, a seemingly indulgent thing for me, is a ritual that calmed me down and made me feel a bit more confident with my own skin.

As small as it sounds, but I discovered how magical it is using scented body wash when I shower and slathering a similarly scented lotion with it. It's funny because on usual days, I just use whatever soap is there and save lotion when I felt scaly. Yet, it still needed more pushing to incorporate skincare as a mental health reliever for me the way shopping, eating out, hanging with friends, and doing my makeup does.

But I can't do those things anymore. It can be a little frivolous to shop online at a pandemic like this for clothes I'm not even sure I'll get to wear soon enough as I still have a backlog of new clothes in the house. Eating out when I can has suddenly turned into me eating whatever is in the house but at least being thankful there's something to eat even if it's not the indulgent dishes I once spent on. And hanging out with friends during a pandemic can be done online sure, but I also need to give space especially when this is affecting everyone seriously.

So, there came that random curiosity towards skincare and how there's a world beyond Watsons and Mercury Drug offerings. I would watch videos on skincare or read on ingredients, and then write down product recommendations I'm interested to try. Then, add to cart and wait for what I didn't know was something that gave me much more than better skin.

Just some(Yes, some)  of the skincare purchases I made this quarantine.

From relying on 4 products consisting of face wash, face oil, face mist, and the occasional masking, I suddenly saw a mini apothecary of sorts in my vanity, expanded with moisturizing creams in jars; potent serums in droppers; and exfoliating acids in bottles. Of course, they aren't just simply standing there but I learned to also put them on.

I used to really not care about putting skincare religiously but now, I have an actual regimen since I can't make excuses. I used to think it was so militant to be religious but I found it's relaxing and something I--gasp--look forward to! Smearing creams, adding serums, and massaging them in my skin also allowed me to sink in the thought that I deserve to be taken care off in this way.

That when my mind will not always think I'm at my most beautiful, I still deserved to look my best. That I deserve to consume something that was well-thought of and researched and not because it only fulfilled a certain purpose. Skincare was something I overlooked for years.

After I looked up online, I thought quarantine was the best period of incorporating exfoliating acids in my regimen, which is known to have a purging effect. Not looking back to life without retinol now lol

Also, there is this sensorial experience of applying something in my skin that I know has had more research done and included ingredients that will improve my skin. It's like I'm giving value to it the way I'd invest in nicer clothes and shoes or in more authentic food and cuisine. I'd normally feel my skin can do away with all the fancy rituals and additional fancy products as someone who just kept it simple for years but if my skin did, it won't look at its best--and I won't feel my best too.

Doing these small, somewhat spoiled rituals I do for my skin--the largest organ--created a sense of comfort and care. Caring for myself was something I initially did not feel during the quarantine--nor was it prioritized prior to the quarantine when all I did was think of other people and things before myself.

And it showed physically. Friends whom I video chat often notice I was much more glowing. People in the house commented that there was something different. I would reason always it's the skincare but I know it's really the change of mindset during this quarantine that I needed a little more TLC whether it's in this small form such as skincare or a large one such as finally warranting myself to this kind of indulgence.

Honestly, I get a little anxious thinking about how much I've spent on skincare recently during the quarantine and I know I spent more than I ever did in my entire life relying on absolutely cheap things that did nothing but be abrasive on or dehydrate my skin. But let's just say it's a guilty pleasure now that is actually an investment in the long term--especially when I'll have more glowy skin and even more confidence in the way I look as I get older.

For me, skincare--or rather, learning to look forward in following one in the day and night--reminded me of a normal routine I'd follow prior to quarantine. There is that elaborate commute I take before going to work. There is that process of studying news and writing notes when covering actual daily coverages. I longed for a routine that gave me fulfillment somehow like these daily challenges that I can't experience when I'm locked in the house. But I have this skincare routine, as trivial and ridiculous as it is in comparison, that gives a me something to wait through with patience knowing it will be worth it in the long run.




About the QUARANTINE SERIES

These are a series of posts that discuss mental health, deep thoughts, and random experiences during my time in the quarantine. Details of my battles and my triumphs written like how I write it--with honesty and a little insight.

When I was on my last year of college, the only other thoughts I had in my mind besides walking in my toga was earning money and getting my master's degree/law degree(There was a brief period during this time I did think about it and had my excited cousins tour me around the law school I was supposed to only apply for. Even inquired for the exams' review too).

2020 me, after 3 years I dedicated to improving and realizing my power

A few years ago, a shy girl decided to have a shoot wearing nothing but a white t-shirt and black cycling shorts--no bra. She found it daring. She never liked taking pictures and  hated posing for a camera (and let's just say, I still do). But she felt within a spontaneous and random moment during what seemed like a difficult 2017, that she had something in her. A certain fire burning inside her that somehow made her feel she wants to be her real true self.

2020 portrait: I'm indestructible, magical.

Me when someone says they're "feminists" only after sharing empowerment posts *looks at them suspiciously then politely smiles*

Everyone who knows me dearly knows that if I weren't a journalist, I'd probably be half way through my masters by now. What degree was I applying for? Other than English, I was eyeing, and actually leaning more on, Women and Development Studies: a continuation and formalization of the feminism I instilled as a kid until I grew older and learned along the way that it's more than just empowering women. For a period, I did want to teach gender studies and still do want to specialize in it after being inspired by my Literature profs and a feminism study I wrote back in college. I could be teaching future leaders and policymakers who will make the concrete differences we need.

Hello! Here's one of the poetry I've written during the quarantine, which to be honest I barely wrote any poetry during quarantine.  I definitely had to think hard for weeks before posting this one, because I felt I was doing well the past few months since I last went out with someone exclusively. Whatever happened in the past doesn't bother me. Don't think it should especially when it's done.

If I do come to a decision to post this, it's because of the poem alone. This is not a gateway for wanting reconnection nor is it my affirmation I never got over something. :)

I've always been stronger without a man.

My poem: House/Home by yours truly

All these thoughts buzzing through, telling me what or what not to do