A Gill and A Way

You, Woman

Remember you're a strong one. A powerhouse of wonder. That's who you are.

When there are those who doubted you, you continue to fight the negativity. Fail if you must and if it isn't avoided. But never forget that that isn't the only try you're going to have. Success is always there, waiting and it will be sweeter for you.

When gender and sex is used as barrier to keep you from reaching your best, show that a woman isn't meant to stay only in the background or on the ground. A woman strives in this man-made world to make herself complete, not to compete.

When there are expectations for you to stay at home or be the doting wife, don't dismiss that thought for other women aspire that. Just simply show the world there's another option to life which is to make your own mark in this world. Or aspire to be both if you want.

When the road gets tougher despite pushing yourself harder, know when to take a moment then continue giving all your might. More than might, do it with all your heart. You will watch yourself survive through thunderous storms.

When you see your fellow women take a hit in their lives the same way you have experienced, always do what you can to help. We will only be the ones to understand our struggles. We will need to support each other if we want to make an improvement for every woman.

When a man cannot accept the love you give, give the love you have to the whole universe that reveres you. You are a phenomenal deity worthy of adoration. More than giving love, learn to save the biggest chunk for yourself.

When you're given the option to settle for less, look away. If you have gotten far in many aspects through your efforts, don't think that some are exempted by lowering your standards. You're the queen and fair ruler, not someone who can be pushed to what she doesn't deserve.

Remember you're the moon and stars across the skies. You should be looked up and admired, not allowing yourself to be lower than you should be.

You, Woman, are a woman. That's who you are. Never forget that

(5/25/19)

It was never a skin to skin communication.

It wasn't initially powered by lust (as most forbidden romances should be)

But it nearly got there, and we both knew well and turned back.

I hear our hearts beat fast, our energies in hesitance

I sit beside you, a shirt fiber away, too afraid that any closer

will lead me to never letting you go

You sit beside me, and look at my hand that you long to grab

with my fingers locked to yours

We watch people around us, see cars pass by

but would then look into each others' eyes

What's in those eyes, what's in your mind?

I look farther into a corner, knowing this is as far as we will go

before others find out what they shouldn't know

Note: I've had these words for almost two months now and I figured I just had the strength to finally be open about it. So to you who definitely knows it's him I'm writing about, I hope you have a good life before we both really close this chapter. For good.

I prayed for you.

I prayed for you when I was a young teen, thinking I was too good for boys my age who have yet to reach puberty. I prayed for you when I was in highschool, huffing at those potential suitors I deemed unworthy (lol). I prayed for you when I got into college even when I stopped believing whom I'm supposed to ask these prayers to.

Then you came, and then you went. We both went separate ways.

Yet, I still prayed for you. I prayed for you to be happy even if it will be in the arms of someone else. I prayed for you on your birthdays because those were the only times I remembered you. I prayed for you even if I was mad, disappointed, shattered, indifferent.

But you came again. Just when I stopped the prayers.

I will not lie that someone I considered an answered prayer in the form of a handsome sinner will always have a place in my heart, even if he didn't deserve any presence in my life. That you got me the moment you said you will make it up to me. I think of what could have been had we not parted or maybe if I prayed harder enough. Yet you came back when I never even thought of you as a regular person to pray for, except when occasional nostalgia kicks in.

Yet no amount of prayer, time, effort,words could ever keep you around this time. No amount of begging to heavens will make you see how much I loved you. That I wanted so bad to be the person you didn't have to pray for to stay because I was already here for you to only try to keep. That angels have warned me about you in both times you entered my life, cautioning that you weren't exactly the plan the divine had for me.

Then you left again.

In my mind I would've held your hands tighter enough for you to stay. That maybe I shouldn't have said those words that scared you away. But I didn't and I did. And I saw what little answers to my lifelong prayers for someone like you were actually the big sign that tell me you weren't meant to be mine.

I stopped praying altogether. Yet somehow, I received a blessing I consider worthy of the spot in my life you failed to occupy. I received the answer I never expected because when I thought every shot in making things work with you are nothing to someone who was already right for me from the start. When the time comes you will be sailing back into my life, you'll find me in the arms of someone who isn't you and will never be.

No use in running away.