To Walk These School Halls Soon
June 03, 2020
I think I've said this many times for the past years that I imagined myself more in my postgrad toga and cap more than being a bride! Dreamt more of the MA and Ph.D added to my name more than the Mrs. and my future husband's last name.
I love school and half of me was ready to immediately move on to my postgrad despite the dizzying stage of my action research/thesis juggled with one whole term of full time teaching in school as my practicum. I do remember a few weeks before my actual graduation, I already asked my professors for both postgrad advice and for recommendation letters! I was already scouting the universities for that future campus I'd walk its halls on--except for DLSU as advised by one of my mentors who said a different environment will challenge me.
Boy, I do love a good challenge.
Of course, those 2018 plans pretty much evaporated and I was faced with quite another challenge. I spent my 2018 until now as a journalist, so make that two years as someone in the labor force. It was something my heart wanted and definitely something I never thought in my wildest dreams I'll be able to pursue since I'm only armed with a English degree and no collegiate student journalism background except for taking one journalism class as a major.
I already had my heart set out to go back to the academe but that's pretty much how love blindsided me and my love for writing and for the country did just that.
But I do realize that it's in these moments between after graduation from my Bachelor's Degree and before getting into much higher education that became crucial to what I really wanted to pursue. It's within the past two years I learned to let go of some dreams and think realistically. It's working as a writer that made me realize, what degree AND school will polish me better as an educated citizen who's enduring all these social realities?
When I was an undergrad, I won't deny that the other perks initially lured me in to pursuing an MA and Ph.D--such as the title, assured high positions in jobs, and the potential pay I'll get by the university if I publish something internationally under them (Oh, the dream!). As the years go by, I realized that setting foot in the halls of where I'll study my master's degree should be a continuation of WHAT this world is telling me I'm supposed to do while I was immersing myself in the real working world. With each stride I take in my future university's halls, whatever it could be, I go here not as a freshman who will need the training before she gets into the real world. I entered as an adult who is decided on what she wants to address and how higher education will help her attain it--because she already experienced the harsh world she was thrown into after college.
Many times during difficulties at work, I fantasize going back to school again because for so many years school has always been my home. It's where I felt efforts I inserted matched how I succeeded unlike work where I could give it 200% and still not get the story or the praise. But I think this is what this period is supposed to make me feel: that there's other things to live for besides academic distinction I have striven for years. That not everything I give to the world will not be paid back full--or not at all.
I started having different dreams on top of some of my longtime goals and the meaning of studying again is not only about continuing what I left off in my college graduation BUT ALSO what I began when I worked as a journalist.
I started having different dreams on top of some of my longtime goals and the meaning of studying again is not only about continuing what I left off in my college graduation BUT ALSO what I began when I worked as a journalist.
I'm lucky I still have the professors and my old batchmates, whom a number are in MA, are pushing for me to finally study and still believe in my capabilities. With this COVID-19 sitch, it's still a long shot before I even have the chance to hit the classroom and research life again. I'll be persistent yet patient because these moments of quarantine have allowed me to reflect on what will be the best path for me to finally take in school.
The future school halls I'll be walking in have always waited for me to arrive and the path it leads goes beyond.
The future school halls I'll be walking in have always waited for me to arrive and the path it leads goes beyond.
0 comments