A Gill and A Way

You, Woman

Remember you're a strong one. A powerhouse of wonder. That's who you are.

When there are those who doubted you, you continue to fight the negativity. Fail if you must and if it isn't avoided. But never forget that that isn't the only try you're going to have. Success is always there, waiting and it will be sweeter for you.

When gender and sex is used as barrier to keep you from reaching your best, show that a woman isn't meant to stay only in the background or on the ground. A woman strives in this man-made world to make herself complete, not to compete.

When there are expectations for you to stay at home or be the doting wife, don't dismiss that thought for other women aspire that. Just simply show the world there's another option to life which is to make your own mark in this world. Or aspire to be both if you want.

When the road gets tougher despite pushing yourself harder, know when to take a moment then continue giving all your might. More than might, do it with all your heart. You will watch yourself survive through thunderous storms.

When you see your fellow women take a hit in their lives the same way you have experienced, always do what you can to help. We will only be the ones to understand our struggles. We will need to support each other if we want to make an improvement for every woman.

When a man cannot accept the love you give, give the love you have to the whole universe that reveres you. You are a phenomenal deity worthy of adoration. More than giving love, learn to save the biggest chunk for yourself.

When you're given the option to settle for less, look away. If you have gotten far in many aspects through your efforts, don't think that some are exempted by lowering your standards. You're the queen and fair ruler, not someone who can be pushed to what she doesn't deserve.

Remember you're the moon and stars across the skies. You should be looked up and admired, not allowing yourself to be lower than you should be.

You, Woman, are a woman. That's who you are. Never forget that

To My Dear Students,
It's been two years since I last set foot in your school and yet, I want to thank you for being open whenever I had lessons where I weaved societal issues in. Stating facts and truth was something I did as a teacher then and as a writer now and I have never forced political viewpoints on anyone. I say it then and say it now: make yourself aware and from that, make yourself useful in any way.

I know a number of you are going to be college next year. I'm sorry if I won't be attending your graduation next month--you know why with the times. All I can say is I am proud that you're all one step closer to the real world. Scary, yes but not something I know you all won't handle. You will have 4 years of college to figure it out.

But before you guys get your highschool diplomas and get your feet to the university gates, I must tell you think of the situation right now. You all are aware of the virus. Does it scare you? I know it does but hear me out.It's plastered all over TV and the internet that I know you are all religiously on because online classes were suspended.

Sure I will be the first to tell you, like everyone else, to keep yourselves clean. Wash your hands, drink a lot of water, avoid going out of the house if you feel a little sick and go to the doctor if you are extremely ill. Observe cough etiquette, practice social distancing. I guess it can never be said enough right?

But you see, what's happening now is more than just a health issue. You can see so many people especially the working class and the marginalized suffering though the cracks of governance from poor facilities to power abuse. You will see how our health frontliners are fighting this battle also head on but there's this issue of our local healthcare and the scarcity of manpower. You will see all these employees who are delivering basic goods and services having a hard time because the issue of no transportation will force them to walk long distances just to do their part. You will see employees who are meant to stay at home but are forced to report to work because their employers tell them so or they will not be paid. You will see people lose jobs, livelihood, and loved ones, all because of this virus.

I will ask all of you to watch and read every news intently and ask yourselves, what do you think are the things needed in these crucial times? Once you identify that, I urge you to work on being the solution once doors of college open in a few months.

No, I am not telling you to do something drastic. You are young and like me an adult, are also caught in the hardships this country is facing. The virus could disappear someday, but the real plight of the Filipino will still be there and it's because of this virus these problems are highlighted: bad governance, unfair labor practices, little health workers, and so much more.

I am so proud how a number of you are telling me what you want to be: a doctor, a nurse, a writer, a lawyer, and so much more. In your quest to be who you want to be, also remember to be the person this country will need.

Look at the problems around and look at the success (no matter how hard you think it is). If there's a sector you see is suffering, remember them and work on how to help them someday when you're in the real world. When you see those acts of good like the leadership of some people who want to make the lives of their constituents better, then continue that.

Just remember I am not asking you to be anyone. Never lose sight of the issues and see how in your own way, talent, skill,interest, goals you can help.

Nothing happens overnight. It takes small steps to make a difference. You may not be the answer to this COVID-19 pandemic now but you will be the people who will be preventing any future virus and destroy the chain of questionable leadership especially when the time comes years from now. And watch the Philippines become a better place.

Even if you're at home, let this time remind you of your true purpose. In a few months, you will be in college but make this education count as someday, we will count on each other to improve our country.


Note: I'm writing this with my former students in mind. But I think many of the lessons will definitely apply to everyone.

You can call this an unexpected follow-up of a post I wrote here back in 2017 (http://agillandaway.blogspot.com/2017/10/im-speaking-out-in-time-of-harvey.html) but like how I began that entry, I will say that everyone knows that Harvey Weinstein is all over the news again. And for a reason that brought millions of people who are part of the #MeToo movement: Weistein is finally sentenced to 23 years in prison for first-degree criminal sexual act and third degree rape.

I see pictures of Weinstein walking in and out of the New York city courtroom, a bit frail and hunched back due to using those walkers. He was far from he man who exuded a lot of confidence, intimidation, and for the lack of a better term, TOXIC MASCULINITY. I feel no remorse at all, as anyone did, even with reports he suffered a "mild" heart attack after learning of his conviction.

On my personal journey, it has been a struggle to still accept. And I imagine with a Harvey Weinstein-esque mammoth of a person who violated me, it's still difficult to overcome the fear even after I started dating again.

In one of the testimonies of one of the women,  Weinstein used power to get women to do what he wants and if they don't he will remind them of how they are not even worthy. I am reminded at times, and in ways that still shake me to the core, of how I myself was reminded of never finding happiness in love. Because I was violated. Because I didn't please the violator. Because no one will believe me.

I can never compare my experiences to what other women in the Weinstein case experience but one thing clear is that no matter how long ago the action was done: a few years back, a decade ago, nearly over two decades; it will still hurt. And the mere thought of it, whatever type of sexual harassment it is, still makes a woman's wring and cause an ache that's inexplicably different.

I recently read this article from The Guardian written by one of the women Weinstein raped and all I can think of, despite the difference of circumstance of her situation versus mine, is that women suffer the most after they get harassed/raped. Model Tarale Wulff wrote something that really encapsulated how I feel even after so many years:

"Harvey Weinstein stole a part of my self-worth, treating me like I was nothing and I became fearful and mistrustful, not only of others but of myself."

After what happened, I became doubtful of any person who tried to get close to me. And even if I know in my heart I've gotten stronger as an individual, I recognize how things can get messy if I use that anxiety over anyone who only had good intentions with me. But I'm learning that I don't deserve to be this way forever and I deserve happiness.

His conviction for me means that when women speak out, there's always that chance that they will prevail. Justice will always prevail and if it doesn't it will see the light of day soon. One less pig in this universe where runts like Weinstein roam free may not mean much, but for the millions of women who look at this case unfold as the years passed by, it means there's hope in this system that almost never sides with women to begin with.

At times, I wonder if I will ever forgive this person who hurt me and you know what? Even if I will never get justice in my lifetime for what he did, I just hope and pray that no other girl will have to feel like they need to make a choice between these two options I faced, on whether to pursue a painful battle for justice or to go on with life silently trying to get over.

(5/25/19)

It was never a skin to skin communication.

It wasn't initially powered by lust (as most forbidden romances should be)

But it nearly got there, and we both knew well and turned back.

I hear our hearts beat fast, our energies in hesitance

I sit beside you, a shirt fiber away, too afraid that any closer

will lead me to never letting you go

You sit beside me, and look at my hand that you long to grab

with my fingers locked to yours

We watch people around us, see cars pass by

but would then look into each others' eyes

What's in those eyes, what's in your mind?

I look farther into a corner, knowing this is as far as we will go

before others find out what they shouldn't know