I recall weeks ago how a girl friend ranted on her social media how more conservative relatives of hers looked down on her "choices" in being sexually active and deem her as someone irresponsible despite her being one of the most intelligent and feisty girls I know. After a short exchange of how, also as a fellow woman whose unpopular choices herself are questioned and reflected away from other things I accomplish, we just decide to "do our own thing" because ultimately it's us girls in the end who live our lives.  I do also remember saying to her, "Work hard, play hard, fuck the hardest."

With that said, I am not speaking down to girls who choose not to embrace their sexuality fully and openly. If they feel that being reserved is how they contain their worth and their security lies in being conservative, then I say they should never change it! 

I write this because a friend of mine told me how other friends of his urge him to ask me out, so they can "change me" into someone that is at least acceptable to their standards, to be what a woman should technically be. It's a preposterous thought to have, because it puts women in a binary. I'm admittedly not the best example for the prim and conservative type which, for a number of people, makes me a "bad" and "easy" woman to which friends who know me well know that I am also far from those.

But what makes a woman's choice in everything she does, a full reflection of her character based on a perception by the general public? I understand that part, but aren't choices in most situations predetermined already depending on the circumstance a woman faces? It's not like all the time, some girl says "Oh wow I think I'm gonna do this" out of nowhere. In most cases especially in our everyday lives, our choices are already based on what are the most accessible and doable options given.

At my age, I see girls married with kids; a type of woman some tell me is "accomplished." On my end, I have my own definitions on what I think is considered an "accomplishment" but when my desires and goals are pitted against someone else's, especially if that person leans on the gender stereotype, then that's when my choice suddenly becomes the determinant on why I'm suddenly this "unaccomplished, useless" woman.

By any means, there is nothing wrong when a woman wants to choose having a family and getting married--but there is nothing wrong either if a woman also chooses not to have those and the critics can just shut up about it as if they can provide anything better for women to choose or be held liable when a woman is unhappy being coerced into something she doesn't want.

Dressing up and presenting a certain way is also another thing that women get falsely judged for and treated quite unfairly in many situations. I wear plunging necklines and tight clothing; I sometimes pose seductively for the camera; and I'm not shy in showing I drink occasionally. Yet somehow, I'm perceived as reckless and promiscuous or have done things in a malicious way to get ahead.

My mom warns me once in a while what I choose to do in my free time sometimes could repel the best or worthy people even if professionally I do really well, since people will always have a perception on ladies being "lady-like". I look back at things I do outside of work and think how I have never even done a crime; I don't spend every free time drinking my kidneys out to weariness; and I don't sleep around. Why does the hemline of my skirt or occasional cigarette smoking suddenly a reason for someone to be repelled by me as a whole--without even looking into what I do most of the time which is work ethically and responsibly!

I remember some time ago, "choice feminism" was a thing. Simply put, it's defined as a woman's choice being an act of feminism because each action is done out of her own decision.  Personally, I understand the debate against it which is really, feminism is fighting for an equitable environment for women as opposed to choice feminism is more individualist. However, it does raise the fact that there is this oppression against women on what they choose.

There is always empowerment in having the right to choose and knowing that our choice is our choice alone which no one should be shaming you for, but sometimes my biggest critics to my own choices as a woman were women themselves who choose to put me in a binary or pit me against women they know are what they think are "decent" and "acceptable." Because they are women themselves who have the wisdom to know what I should do or not.

Also, what I choose to project to the public is also not a license to feel violated. I experienced some boys thinking they can touch me a certain way, violating the fact I never gave consent, because I'm not prude. But, they will choose to respect a girl who chooses to not be as liberated. Just because a lady is liberated doesn't mean she's easy and that's the only thing that makes her as a whole.

I believe a woman's choice is something you cannot take away. It is her autonomy, her personal right. It may be shaped by surroundings around her and it may be also molded by her personal preferences, but that's hers alone. I think people need to get to know someone first before making a judgment and before making judgment, at least not have an archaic opinion on things.

And while choice is autonomous, it's not exclusively so in some situations. Depending on what decision-making she's faced with, choices a woman makes also affects women around her. So if you choose to impose what you think on a woman who is doing something that is not harmful to anyone around her, just because it's not agreeable to what you know, then there lies a problem in choice.

I used to think it was mainly the patriarchy I had to ward off when I made choices that weren't always agreeable or acceptable to many but I realize it's just people in general I have to defend myself from, as if  I'm a woman who needs to fit a certain mold to be considered a great one.