When the race to get engaged or get married is as cutthroat as countries developing a cure for COVID-19....

Bridesmaid duties for now

Note: This post was written at an earlier date so some events transpired after writing this, such as breakups or cancelled events. However the message of this writer still remains clear.

It seemed like another day of seeing a friend on social media, smiling widely as she holds up her hand to show off her latest accessory: a simple engagement ring that is as sparkly as her thrilled eyes. However this time is different since her post came with a disclaimer that they wore masks at all times during the special moment her guy popped the question.

The day before this, I learned another friend got married as he posted on the same social media platform his "new normal" wedding; social distancing in the church and the bride wearing a mask that matched her equally lacey white dress with some sequined detail. 

Before the virus pandemic, it was like my norm already hearing someone I went to school with suddenly getting married or expecting a child. But hearing news like this, particularly about engagements, seems different now that times will never be the same again. It feels like a race for those who are in relationships to cement the connection for a lifetime, as if the virus might cause a zombie apocalypse or the end of the world.

However, this race to forever with someone isn't a race against those people around us who are getting engaged but rather, a race against fear over how much this virus has taken away and how much more it could still do so. It has stolen a lot of these: time, lives, and security. This same virus that is ravaging the world mercilessly and how it will take away much more ambitions and aspirations for the far future as it took away plans and goals of the present time and near future. 

This virus took away jobs of people and closed down businesses. This virus also claimed lives for some who caught the sickness and for those who survive it, have lived in fear and doubt over experiencing the world the same way they did before getting sick.

This race to forever with someone isn't a race against those people around us who are getting engaged but rather, a race against fear over how much this virus has taken away and how much more it could still do so.

I will tell you that this pandemic, in many ways, has ruined a number of plans I had for myself: grad school, new work, and moving out. Ever since I was younger, I always had a Plan B in life if certain paths take me somewhere far from the one I mainly had my eyes on. But this pandemic distorted that because it felt like a never-ending isolation from the real world, if it actually does still exist, and having no choice but to remain immobile in this house. 

I mean, marriage isn't a goal I see myself reaching in the next few years but the possibility I feel it will happen in this lifetime is highly likely. With the unpredictability of things now and how it is taking forever to end, what if my somewhat hazy but undeniable certainty to be married and the still-inexistent yet indisputable plans I have for my future husband will also be stolen away from me the way it did with concrete plans to improve my life independently right now?

Recently while we were out, the guy I'm dating raised the issue on when is an ideal time to get married and have children, although not in a serious way but more for a conversational matter. With him being a little older than I am and already far off in his career as I still try to carve out mine, it's pretty clear he wants it sooner than I do since I still have to reach my target of finishing my masters and then my doctorate, which could take maybe up to 10 years. 

There is no coercion in diving immediately to the life of being a wife and mother right now, but this pandemic definitely made discussing about it sooner than waiting a bit later to talk about that future. That talks like this, pre-COVID-19, were normally spared because there is no rush to it. Now, it's like a world war 3 or a new pandemic is highly likely with all the tension this COVID-19 brought.

And remember: this pandemic has ALSO been the reason someone's marital plans were on hold. I've seen dream weddings cancelled because large scale events aren't allowed or because budgets have become tighter as people lose livelihood or people away from their loved ones because of the travel ban.

I think with this COVID-19 crisis, we just appreciate people more in our lives like how we express our admiration more for them, regardless of who they are like family or friends or lovers. For some of us, it will mean getting down on one knee and asking a partner's hand in marriage.

But is it right that, amid the unnecessary pressure of the surge of friends we know who are engaged, to do the same? All I can say is this is about one's individual happiness, and no races have people who reach the end of the line at the same time. However, there are no winners or losers here but only those who are ready for the next step. You're ready? Great! You're not? Great! 

With friends already planning their weddings for the near future, does it justify wanting to do the same for myself? Because on my end, it will mean I'll have to rush into something I have not put my mind in at the moment, especially when I still need to get the hang of things in terms of dating. That there are things to figure out with the person I'm with before even getting serious, let alone before I build a life with him.

And to those who actually are in love and are with someone they wholeheartedly want to share their future with, just think: initiating or accepting a marriage proposal isn't solely an immediate reaction to a pandemic but a gateway to spending a lifetime with someone. This COVID-19, as impossible and never-ending as it feels, will go away. But that willingness to be there for the one person you love for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health...is something determined by how you feel, and not how the pandemic feels like the Armageddon.

Do I feel the pressure? To be honest, not really. I'm still taking my time with everything, especially after years of being single and still not able to reach the goals I set for myself within a certain timeline because of this stupid irus. All I know is, I want to be sure of every decision I make and the only person who will pressure myself to do anything is myself.