Ticking off 2018. 2019, it's good to see you.

2017, for me, was the worst year. I may have downplayed it in my last year-end post but I've been quite vocal to those dear with me on how 2017 was unkind and torturous.

I did however, use all my struggles as a way to condition myself for my new life in 2018. Fast forward 2018, I told myself that with a new year and new life, I will make sure I live it the fullest. After what seemed like forever of spiraling down, I became determined to make 2018 the year I rise up.

Making huge risks

I knew this the moment I told myself I will not teach for the meantime and instead immerse myself in fields that will enrich my other skill, which is writing. It was a risk for me, especially when I've already had my post-graduation plan in my head that consisted of teaching English and pursuing grad school. I don't regret my decisions though but very soon, I know I'll settle down to teach.

It was also a huge risk for me to apply for the board exams for teachers since I only applied during the last day of applications and had less than 2 months to self-review (compared to lots of my friends who went to review centers for half a year, it made me quite scared tbh). But risking this much means I need to prepare for it as much as possible, which means sleepless nights after work just to study and even asking others for available review resources.

2018 was a year of release for me. Sadly, I learned to let go of friendships and maybe potential loves knowing that they might hinder my growth. I let go of friends who were selfish and seemed to not bother with my life during those times I did suffer this year because all they cared about were drugs and girls (Oops. Name drop na ba?). I let go of friends I felt were only there when I felt a little success in my life but were absent last year when I needed their support. Most importantly, I let go of the one guy I thought I deserved but realized months of pursuing is nothing if you don't want to stay.

Holding up my first article for the newspaper last April!

Learning to look forward

This was my mindset the moment I stepped into 2018. I will never revise the horrible history in 2017. While some moments in 2018 caught me crying remembering the past, I learned to pick myself up because it's all behind me now. Who knew that the girl who thought won't live beyond half of 2017 is now enjoying a new stage in her life in 2018?

I felt like I was starting from scratch the moment I started working. I still find myself trying to impress my bosses, who may be as strict as my professors in college but call for a much different demand. I realized that just because I've succeeded in school doesn't mean I can have it easy in the real world. What I did love about it is that I learn something new and I learn to adapt to different situations.

Speaking of adapting, I learned to find ways--and there's always a way!There were so many situations that made me believe and swear a miracle happened especially in my line of work but I realize it's really just me expanding my options in seemingly hopeless situations.

In the end, it's only me

2017, I pushed away a lot of people out of fear. 2018 was the year I discovered new relationships and reignited friendships yet still thought twice with the people around me. In the end of it all, I still realized that the most important person to have a great relationship with was myself.

2017 saw a lot of self-loathing and self-blaming. 2018 was the year I forgave myself. 2018 was also the year I unexpectedly started dating again but looking back, I feel that no guy will handle me. Maybe my goals were too big. Maybe I wasn't glamorous or pretty enough. Maybe I spoke my mind too much. I didn't need to dumb myself down or change just because I liked someone. I like "Me" the best and I know I won't dull my personality for anyone.

I improved the way I looked at myself. I still see the need to improve but oh my gosh, how far have I gone from trying to kill myself to making an effort to LIVE LIFE.

I never settled for anyone in 2018 so why should I allow myself to slow myself down? I'm only getting started!

Single and more-interested-in-showing-off--my-malunggay-than-forcing-myself-to-mingle

Before I finish this post, I just want to share these lil comics by Sarahsscribbles. The first one was something I shared on Facebook during the final days of 2017 while the second one was shared only recently. Absolutely adore how they depict this 2018 perfectly: I was battered and bruised facing 2018 and chose to take things step by step. Accurate!

Final things to say to 2018: You have been the longest yet fastest year where I experienced trials like no other but allowed me to gain the best experiences ever. You have been the best year so far for me.

2019, I'm going to conquer you!