A Collection of Bruises ,Curses, Baby Teeth

March 31, 2018

Yay! An art post! It's been a while since I've gushed over a certain exhibit but this 2018, I highly encourage you go to CCP to check this out! It runs until May 20 and you wouldn't want to miss it.

"A Collection of Bruises, Curses, Baby teeth" by Marionne Contreras is an exhibit that is much more than being IG worthy for those who enter. Millenial pinks, neon lights, lush florals; they all get your attention immediately. You soon learn that it's much more than it being aesthetically pleasing to the eyes when you realize that the artist shows her attachment towards many things, from random objects to beloved people in her life.

If you happen to find your way to the exhibit, you will pass by this window which for me, is an exciting prologue to the artist's story. I love the contrasts of the pink tulle curtain and rosy fur rug to the crunchy dried leaves. Oh, and that isn't a cadaver inside the glass box! Looks like it in pictures but the leaves are much more obvious in person.



When you enter the exhibit, you are greeted with these plastic frames hanging from the ceiling. When I entered here though, I caught some teen girls taking their photos BETWEEN the yarn-strung rings. PLEASE DON'T! I kinda feel the fragility of the yarn to the seeming heavy glass frames (but they are uber light polyester resin, really).


Contreras had pieces that were reminiscent of Norberto Roldan's multimedia shelved artwork. I also recall Cian Dayrit having some artwork also like this and the youthfulness of Contreras is in line with Dayrit's. Roldan, although known more for this type of stuff, has a more cryptic and haunting vibe whereareas Contreras still injects an air of playfulness to an otherwise wistful girl who wants to be a woman.








This piece where I took a shameless selfie is called "PORTRAIT OF A PARTY GIRL (I WANNA BE THE WHOLE WORLD'S GRAMMA" and yes, that is a mirror that anyone can look into! But if the artist really put me in this art I won't be surprised lol kidding kidding. It's quite a fabulous title, too!



I think this is still part of the "Party Girl" artwork and as you can see, the familiar contrast of the dried leaves to the more girly elements is there. Other details such as the cracks and unevenness in the candy colored tiles are apparent.

Overall, this exhibit is definitely worth the visit! If you're into art that is experiential, "A Collection of Bruises, Curses, Bby Teeth" hits that mark. It's much more than a seemingly Millenial-Gen aesthetic because you will feel the artist's youthful yet complicated art.






Random fact: While researching on Marionne Contreras, I learned that she's a newly wed! Look at her cool wedding here http://katewashere.com/2017/10/gothic-boho-wedding/

I Got It from My Mama (I Think...)

March 26, 2018

In remembrance of Womens' Month, I want to write a post dedicated to the woman whom I learned later in life to appreciate and that is my mom.

Akala mo Mothers' Day noh? Char!

Bata palang ako, sinasabihan na ako sa telebabad habit ko. Ngayon, sa kakagamit ko ng cellphone, lol

What I want to share is that my mom and I don't have a perfect relationship. We're just so different, really. Sure, I see the resemblance between her and I as I have ALWAYS been told how much we look alike but I think the similarities just end in our high cheekbones, almond eyes, and arched eyebrows. We tend to clash a lot and it just got worse growing up to the point I've been estranged from her for 2 years (which I'll elaborate later).


I got the "Crossing legs when taking photos" pose and "fake tawa" expression from her, yo.

I vowed to myself that I would never be like my mom. She would accuse me, even when I was a kid already acquainted with social issues through watching the news or reading newspapers, that I'm radical(I'm not, okay. I was encouraged with activism at a younger age). I would always think that she was so indifferent and apathetic. I was aware of feminism when I was younger and I would frown at my mom for being UN-FEMINIST: everything I'm supposed to do should be pleasing to men from the lipstick I wear to the language I speak. ("Why is your lipstick that dark! Guys won't kiss you that way!", "Guys find it cheap if lagi kang nagmumura. Cheap pakinggan!")

I spent most of my life deviating from emulating the likes of her that I never realized, as I matured, I ended up having some of her qualities. I was always a writer growing up but I almost always forget that my mom too was a writer. It was also told to me that she was always a bookworm even as a kid; a trait that I also had with me until I got older. She also was a student journalist and this was back in the day of Martial Law! I never got to learn too much of what she pursued in college but when I got into UST(her college) in the programs AB Journalism and BSE English, I discovered that these were courses she was also in.

Even if I laugh at her when she warns me on certain things, I still end up following them. It's already a habit of mine to say "tabi tabi po" when I pass by areas I think "dwendes" thrive (I know, my mom is one of those people who scare me with that knowledge as a kid). I also stay quiet when I know a tree is "sleeping" so I can respect the spirits (Idk about her but she's probinsyana who seems to instill to me stuff like animism lol). Magical irrelevancies aside, what I also learned from her was never to touch my eyebrows. I recall the day she introduced to me the magic of eyebrow makeup as an 11 year old. Since then, kilay became my life and just like life, you shouldn't destroy or mess with something beautiful! Hahahahaha!

As much as I kept denying how I'm like my mom, I realize I got her strength and stubbornness. Striking out of college a semester shy of graduating, she already accomplished so much in her career even before she was my age now. I thought this was unbelievable since she tried molding me into the perfect housewife but I also miss out on the fact that she would push me to be independent and empowered...in case I haven't found that "husband" yet. She says it in her own way, of course ("You have beauty and brains nga but then a lot of girls have it, too! Yung iba they travel at mayayaman nga eh! You have to work harder to stand out!")

One of the things that my mom and I argue a lot on is how I look. Back when I was a teen, I hated wearing dresses and skirts. I wouldn't even wear anything that was sleeveless! I remember vowing to my own mom that I wouldn't wear anything that showcases my shoulders and here we are years later, her laughing and pointing out at my feminine, daring wardrobe. Back then also, I would wear lipsticks shades that shock the hell out of her ("No one is born with black lips!", "Your lipstick looks like putty!", "Bakit.........blue?!?!")which I do to this day, tbh. But I started appreciating nudes and peaches on a regular basis that my mom would own up to it by saying even I started realizing how "chaka" a lot of my lippie shades were. OKAY, IKAW NA!!!

True story of how I was told that I looked like I smeared cement on my lips according to my mom.

While it has been comically amusing and occasionally frustrating, there were moments in my life that I didn't speak to her for a while. The differences really affected us and as I got older, I became more outspoken and dismissive against her values. It resulted into huge arguments which eventually, ended in estrangement. While her absence in my life didn't affect me in any way as I still went on with my university life or my writing sideline, I only learned how much I missed out on her guidance very late. 2017 was an awful year for me and when things turned for the worst--to the point of me attempting suicide--she surfaced in my life again.

I always denied to myself that things would get better with her in my life again. For so long, she acted quite indifferent towards my life going on. And unlike girls my age who could run to their moms when it came to whatever went on with their lives, I never cared for her opinion. When 2017 has taken its toll on me in every aspect, that's when I started rebuilding my relationship with her again. It felt like I had to go through a field of thorns but eventually, we got there and we got better. She would comment on how much weight I lost(even if when I was younger she would be harsh on how I was "chubby")and would buy so much food. She would admit that she knew the kind of men I dated and wished she stepped in when my relationships overcame me with so much toxicity (She heard the stories from my siblings).

I think the reason why we improved in our relationship is I never faulted her for not being there for me in such crucial years in my life. I just wanted to focus on what we have now.

The past year we've suddenly started speaking again, I still hear obnoxious comments she makes:
"Yang talino mong yan? Namana mo sakin yan!"
"Look at me and you'll see you won't be frumpy and fat when you're my age!"
"You got your writing skills from me! I'm a better writer than your father noh!"
"Ba't ganun na naman lipstick mo parang naninigarilyo ka!"
"Ang payat-payat mo wala ka nang pwet at boobs!"

--Among MANY comments she makes on a daily basis over ANYTHING...(Believe me she says more WTF things).

Differences will never be straightened out for us both. From me telling her that a certain place is walkable when she would rather waste money on transpo to her remarking that I wear too much black when she's the boho type of lady, we would always have something clashing to say.

I just laugh it off. I still find myself having to fend off whatever comes out of her mouth. I do accept our differences in beliefs. It can get annoying but all I really have to do is be patient with her. I guess we're the Filipino version of the Joy Luck Club, if you know what I mean! It's great to finally experience sharing kilig stories of guys I like with her or my dilemmas of being out in the real working world. It's also amazing that even with our disagreements, we tend to forget about it and still move on without anything ruining our relationship.

As long as I stick true to my beliefs and morals, whether inspired by her or not, that is the most important thing for me. Despite me not ending up following in her footsteps and even following her values, I always feel proud whenever she tells people this when people remark on how much I'm like her:

 "No, she's an improvement of the race." 🙂



Notes:
- My mission in life is not to marry a husband who'll allow me to live comfortably OKAY!!! I don't know how serious she is when she tells me such stuff lol
- You might think my mom is a gold-digger but if you knew our situation, she's trying to make me think practically. While I respect her opinions, I still believe I could like whoever I like as I don't depend on men anyway. #EmpoweredWoman 
- My mom comes from that generation where aesthetics are everything. Sad as it is but I have some titas and even professors say the same things as her so it doesn't surprise me anymore when I get comments on how I look physically and how I preset myself.
- You may think my mom is superficial and shallow but guess what? I did, too! But I live with it now and try to understand her in a deeper level! So fuck you!

Women Need to Support Women (A Womens' Month Post)

March 18, 2018

You gotta have a trusted sisteraka by your side and be a trusted sisteraka to other girls, as well.

Women empowerment has been weaved through my veins growing up. Admiring the likes of Miriam Santiago, Risa Hontiveros, and Sr. Mary John Mananzan in which later on I also get acquainted with Sylvia Plath, Simone de Beauvoir and Roxane Gay, I see how it's important to be part of this advocacy to fight for Womens' Rights. Right now as an adult in this day and age, the desire to obtain the ideal world where both men and women are seamlessly, not overlappingly, living together is actually even stronger than ever.

The feminist in me could tell you this: most of the time, yes, the patriarchy is the enemy (lol that sounded so radical), but recently I just discovered that the enemy also lies between us women.

I say this because we can go on with our advocacy for women; fight for our rights we deserve. Unfortunately, in our daily lives, we probably are guilty of oppressing fellow women in ways we don't even realize--or maybe do.

Okay, we just do.

I thought of writing this because I know women who experience these types of betrayal from fellow women. For the latter, it's a kind of way for them to show how they can feed their egos by disrespecting other women. When some girls do this, they feel they have this power over those girls they think they toppled over. 

Probably a good example for this was when I went out with someone who ended up going out with some other girl behind my back some few years back. Although it did hurt for me, what I never quite understood was how public the girl was over her "achievement": knowing she stole a boy from a girl like me, as if she overthrew me or something. Does making a fellow woman look weak have to make you seem more powerful and desirable?

This is the wrong kind of empowerment any--EVEN THE ONES YOU CALL A TRASHY SLUT--woman doesn't need. I could only feel horrible not for myself as a victim of vicious bitchiness but for them bitches because deep inside, I do want to support them. I do know they have a story to tell--and every time, they do--that just encourages me to strengthen my efforts in making a better place for us women and make them feel genuinely better with themselves.

BUT LADIES, HOW CAN WE DO JUST THAT IF IN THE END, WE NEED TO HARM OTHER WOMEN?

I mean, what person doesn't feel they have to get back at a woman who has done them wrong? It's a womanly reflex proven in chick flicks and real life. Yet, we can learn to be above our hate and insecurity. I observe that we can hate our fellow women with such intensity, especially if they do us bad, and may I be damned if what I just said there is false. I think we women have so much rage when we despise a woman because we expect deep inside, they'd be more compassionate especially to us fellow ladies.

We have become so self-centered that if we actually advocate for womens' rights, we only support the idea and not the actual people we support. We have that urge to defend ourselves from men because we hear stories of inequality and injustice among women  but here we are, still having the nerve to bring down some women in our own lives we dislike for petty, superficial reasons.  

I mentioned having experienced cheating before. Sure, it's easier releasing that hatred towards the lady who decided to hurt me but reality is, it's also the guy's fault. I can stay bitter forever but I learned to be above it. I learned to understand that there are girls who do things because they're insecure and it's disappointing how they result to being validated by the opposite sex in order to feel their worth. This is why as much as possible, I learned to praise every girl I encounter(honestly, of course). I try to feed my gal pals with positive comments about themselves so they find that validation within, not in trying to hurt other girls or sleep with other guys.

I learned to exercise patience--ESPECIALLY TO THE MOST ANNOYING OF BITCHES--because I know, they still exist in this world of sexism and prejudice. They are probably victims of their own inequality or injustice which for me, regardless of how horrible they were to me,  is something I want to address as with any woman.

I had a friend who was the type to pair me up with guys. When I end up going out with the guys, I just learn that behind my back, she would lure them and attract them to her which is why guys she pairs me with never got serious with me and end up even liking her. While it is infuriating, I just laugh knowing that my worth as a woman is still there. Hers, in all honesty, is quite pitying but not impossible to improve on. This is the part where, as lenient as I sound, try to understand her more. Some people just won't be content with themselves and what they have so they feel the need to possess others' happiness. How I wish, as a woman who wants to empower other women, I can help her gain more confidence with herself without the lust to score every guy and betray other girls.

Speaking of empowering women, it's great to see how awareness towards sexual harassment and violence is widespread now. I have encountered, however, those who still believe that it's really a woman's fault they get treated the way they do. Sadly, those I encounter were usually women who strongly criticize these victims of rape and harassment. Not too long ago, I had a heated debate with some of these female relatives of mine over a popular rape case. While I understand why they'd be against the rape victims because of the questionable evidence, they started belittling these women by saying they deserved what they experienced. This angered me so much because what woman believes other women--or anyone--deserve to be raped because of their promiscuity? Or because of their stupidity? 

This bothers me in a whole different level. I hate the stigma that women need to respect themselves so men can respect them, too and if the former does the contrary, it's their fault they faced the consequences. Can this thinking stop? I expected better from these women who have the spine to point at other women, accusing the latter for getting themselves into these situations that were "Easily avoided". Haaay nako nakakaasar! Yet, I choose to educate instead. I told them they shouldn't talk down on the women whether a rape really happened or not. 

We need to be more empathetic especially with our females. Women come in all shapes and sizes plus have different wants and needs.Regardless of our differences, there is an invisible thread that binds us all together. Have you ever wondered why we immediately feel that connection with another girl who just talks about her heartache? Or when a girl gushes about makeup and clothes? Or when a girl shares about the struggles she faces every day for being a girl? WE JUST KNOW! WE ARE ALL SOUL SISTERS!

In this world where women are still pitted against each other; where catfights between two starlets sell news more than acts of goodwill; where we focus a girl's faults rather than accomplishments; where we compare who is hotter than who, women need to support each other. To be honest, I cannot remove that urge to be better than the rest but I'd rather do so by doing my own thing. I'm doing it by improving my skills and sharing my passions. I don't need to eliminate my fellow women in their own game just to feel great about myself; supporting and respecting them are actually already big accomplishments for me. 

While they say it's really survival of the fittest, we still need others to survive. No one can understand a girl better than another girl. Women empowerment is about empowering each other and not abusing our "power" over another. 🙂