A Gill and A Way

Ticking off 2018. 2019, it's good to see you.

2017, for me, was the worst year. I may have downplayed it in my last year-end post but I've been quite vocal to those dear with me on how 2017 was unkind and torturous.

I did however, use all my struggles as a way to condition myself for my new life in 2018. Fast forward 2018, I told myself that with a new year and new life, I will make sure I live it the fullest. After what seemed like forever of spiraling down, I became determined to make 2018 the year I rise up.

Making huge risks

I knew this the moment I told myself I will not teach for the meantime and instead immerse myself in fields that will enrich my other skill, which is writing. It was a risk for me, especially when I've already had my post-graduation plan in my head that consisted of teaching English and pursuing grad school. I don't regret my decisions though but very soon, I know I'll settle down to teach.

It was also a huge risk for me to apply for the board exams for teachers since I only applied during the last day of applications and had less than 2 months to self-review (compared to lots of my friends who went to review centers for half a year, it made me quite scared tbh). But risking this much means I need to prepare for it as much as possible, which means sleepless nights after work just to study and even asking others for available review resources.

2018 was a year of release for me. Sadly, I learned to let go of friendships and maybe potential loves knowing that they might hinder my growth. I let go of friends who were selfish and seemed to not bother with my life during those times I did suffer this year because all they cared about were drugs and girls (Oops. Name drop na ba?). I let go of friends I felt were only there when I felt a little success in my life but were absent last year when I needed their support. Most importantly, I let go of the one guy I thought I deserved but realized months of pursuing is nothing if you don't want to stay.

Holding up my first article for the newspaper last April!

Learning to look forward

This was my mindset the moment I stepped into 2018. I will never revise the horrible history in 2017. While some moments in 2018 caught me crying remembering the past, I learned to pick myself up because it's all behind me now. Who knew that the girl who thought won't live beyond half of 2017 is now enjoying a new stage in her life in 2018?

I felt like I was starting from scratch the moment I started working. I still find myself trying to impress my bosses, who may be as strict as my professors in college but call for a much different demand. I realized that just because I've succeeded in school doesn't mean I can have it easy in the real world. What I did love about it is that I learn something new and I learn to adapt to different situations.

Speaking of adapting, I learned to find ways--and there's always a way!There were so many situations that made me believe and swear a miracle happened especially in my line of work but I realize it's really just me expanding my options in seemingly hopeless situations.

In the end, it's only me

2017, I pushed away a lot of people out of fear. 2018 was the year I discovered new relationships and reignited friendships yet still thought twice with the people around me. In the end of it all, I still realized that the most important person to have a great relationship with was myself.

2017 saw a lot of self-loathing and self-blaming. 2018 was the year I forgave myself. 2018 was also the year I unexpectedly started dating again but looking back, I feel that no guy will handle me. Maybe my goals were too big. Maybe I wasn't glamorous or pretty enough. Maybe I spoke my mind too much. I didn't need to dumb myself down or change just because I liked someone. I like "Me" the best and I know I won't dull my personality for anyone.

I improved the way I looked at myself. I still see the need to improve but oh my gosh, how far have I gone from trying to kill myself to making an effort to LIVE LIFE.

I never settled for anyone in 2018 so why should I allow myself to slow myself down? I'm only getting started!

Single and more-interested-in-showing-off--my-malunggay-than-forcing-myself-to-mingle

Before I finish this post, I just want to share these lil comics by Sarahsscribbles. The first one was something I shared on Facebook during the final days of 2017 while the second one was shared only recently. Absolutely adore how they depict this 2018 perfectly: I was battered and bruised facing 2018 and chose to take things step by step. Accurate!

Final things to say to 2018: You have been the longest yet fastest year where I experienced trials like no other but allowed me to gain the best experiences ever. You have been the best year so far for me.

2019, I'm going to conquer you!

Digital art by me

When I was a kid, I was well aware of the kind of Mom I had (a connoisseur for beauty )and the kind of girls I was surrounded with (girly-girl tweens). While I do find myself interested in shows girls my age liked or get amazed watching my mom put lipstick, I also dodged a lot of "un-girly" things unexpected of me as a natural-born female. I didn't really enjoy Barbie dolls (but I love their look in bags and notebooks) and I would be ridiculed when I declared I wanted to be a soldier(I was in elementary after all during the Makati-Coup d'etat days).

Imagine my confusion when just because my interests and way of life clash with what society expects from my biological sex, I'm forced to follow the norms every little girl has while knowing I have the freedom to like what I like. At one point in my life, I was forced to join a beauty contest even if I feel it really was't something I do.

But even at that young of an age, I know and feel like a woman because I know I am and declare to the world that I associate myself as a woman. I was obviously too young to differentiate gender from sex but it didn't matter. Me liking makeup (and still do), watching Medabots(Anyone remember this?), preferring pants(because skirts are so Catholic girl school), and wearing heels(yes, I wore heels as a kid) don't really equate my worth as a woman. I know I just AM

-----

Recently, a certain contestant from the Miss Universe came under fire just because she is a transgender. Ms. Spain Angela Ponce caused quite a stir because she wasn't a natural born female, probably a "requirement" for such prestigious pageants as this. But still, millions have watched her strut around the stage, beautiful like all the statuesque beauties in this year's competition.

It just made me really disappointed how many here in the Philippines, raking as one of the Top 10 Most-Gender Equal countries in the world according to the World Economic Forum's Global Gender Gap Report 2018, have expressed how they support the LGBTQ+ sector but disagree with Ms. Ponce being in Miss Universe, just because she's a transwoman.

Also, I was triggered reading this article back from July What's appalling for me is that most still believe that Miss U is meant for natural born females only and many of those interviewed are from the LGBTQ+ community. While of course, transgenders have contests they can be a part of, Miss U has become open to them already. You have to remember that back in 2012, the Miss Universe org put an end to the ban on transgender aspirants. While personally I have always disliked beauty contests for being too shallow, many beauty contests are beyond what a lady looks on the outside. It's about advocacy and helping others. Miss U, in my opinion, is leading the pack of this regenerated pageants in terms of advocacies they endorse.

It's not about beauty on the outside anymore.

For Ms. Ponce, she has always believed she is a woman and no one should declare her a man just because she was born as one nor should they make comments that she doesn't deserve to be on the Miss U stage. For Spain to have chosen her to represent the country, they obviously did not make a mistake in "choosing" her. Unlike the Philippines where we still have archaic opinions and thoughts, Spain recognizes change happening in this generation and is getting along with it. Mind you, they colonized us and introduced to us most of our culture. At least they are more forward-thinking compared to many here who still believe man is man and woman is woman, nothing else.

Who are we to point at someone like Angela and tell her she can't compete and be Miss Universe and tell her she isn't a woman?

It's all a matter of choice and accepting others' choices, especially if they aren't made by us.

I believe that we still have a long way to go in accepting one's expectation of the gender they're born with. Letting a transwoman in a contest is actually a breath of fresh air for a pageant once known for bringing in "naturally beautiful women" to compete with each other. With this, you see how definitions of being a woman has further expanded.

On being a woman, Simone de Beauvoir said it best: “One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman." Becoming a woman is a result of what we choose to do. Uber traditional and conservative society, sadly, dictates what a woman should be.

Traditionally, a woman is someone born with a vagina and likes boys. These days, being a woman is more diverse and beyond what biology dictates. It's a matter of choice, like what I earlier mentioned. I'm a girl who like boys and call myself a woman. Caitlyn Jenner is a transwoman who can go out with women but considers herself a woman. You are a girl who prefers girls but still call yourself a woman. And there are so many different and personal aspects of womanhood other women embody.

The definition of what a woman is doesn't exist in the same line as one who's biologically born female because the times now witnessed a plethora of women choosing to be their own version of being a woman.

So women today can be born female or male and aspire to be who they want to be, whether be Miss Universe or be Sonny Trillanes(Hi @ me as a kid hahaha).

ANYWAYS, IT'S BEEN MORE THAN A YEAR SINCE I LAST WROTE ABOUT MY UKAY-UKAY POST! I'VE BEEN MEANING TO WRITE THIS ONE FOR THE LONGEST TIME.

I always get asked where's the best ukay-ukay. In all honesty, I feel I cannot answer that because I've only ever shopped in ukays around the Metro and have yet to discover the famous Taytay, Tagatay, and Baguio ukays!

BUT!!! I know I still want to write about my beloved UK so instead, I'll just write about three of the ukays I love going to where you can find the best pieces at the best prices!

Warning: Some of these ukays aren't the most conveniently located ones but then what ukay is convenient anyways? You still go through racks and racks and still invest time and effort but like love, it's that one special ukay you'd do it for!



1. BF CONDOMINIUM 

This peachy colored building may look like it's about to collapse any minute, but take a second look! (And take cover just in case it does lol charot lang). The first floor has Ukays YOU MUST CHECK. While I do like going to Intramuros for its history, I also look forward to checking their latest drops.

Best thing about the ukays here is if you go to one store, you'll surely leave with something you like. There are also choices for menswear, too!

There's this one store also that sells weird abubot(not shown) so if you wanna spend on pantyhose and pouches and garrison belts, then maybe this ukay is for you.

Fun fact: You'll be standing in the old site of where UST used to be! You can visit Plaza Sto. Tomas which is near the BF building. #TeacherGill #TourGuideGill #GalaManila

Photo taken from Wikimedia because the bldg is so ghastly for me to take it with my own phone. BUT YOU SEE SOME OF THE UKAYS NA HIHI

Pros: 
-While you discover what Manila was like under Spanish colonization, you can discover once colonized clothes hehe
-More choices especially for menswear and even childrenswear!
-Not as crowded because duh who'd know may bonggang ukay sa bulok na building na yan?

Cons
-The stores don't have names so you need to have some patience by looking through every store which are only located lang naman sa ground floor.
-Intramuros is hassle to commute to forever!

Ukay #1 is this ukay right beside the entrance of BF Condo. It's the exact ukay I was in in the first pic! They have everything even down to baby clothes.

Ukay #2 is also good kaso lang it has aircon which is alright naman

2. Anonas

Oh Anonas! I've heard such magical stories about it and it's even more awe-mazing when I first set foot there. There's a reason why this is such a crowd-favorite! Imagine a whole building filled with 90% ukays, 5% stores with used original(daw)designer stuff, 4% random booths, 1% Karate studio.

What I love about Anonas is if there is one area you must go and spend the whole day going ukay in, it's here! Not only are there ukays in this building but also ukays around its vicinity. AND WE WANT THAT, RIGHT? MORE IS MORE IS MORE.

You'll find a variety of stores here. You have the typical smelly ukay that sells American Eagle or Old Navu basic stuff to the normal ukay-ukays that are regularly on sale to those stores that sell designer duds that are quite pricey but are already cheaper compared to consignment stores here and abroad!

Fun fact: Anonas is the plural Tagalog of Custard Apple and "What Now?" #TumawaNamanKayo #TeacherGill

Four floors filled with ukay!

Pros:
-Easier to commute! Just drop off Anonas station in LRT2 and it's a very short walk away from it. Or if you're coming from Santolan, there's this other ukay that is adjacent to the actual LRT2 stop!
-More store choices means more chances of winning! Unlike lotto, at least dito panalo!
- Some stores also have old books, toys, and dinnerware!

Cons
-Well, none really. Maybe the clothes are used...? Charot
-Mukhang marupok din building na to. Das okay, we're marupok too.
-I've been to Anonas a few times already and idk why but whenever I'm there, I itch like crazy #MakatiAko #NangatiSaAlikabokHindiSaLibog

The third and fourth floors contain stores with used designer stuff of which you can get as expensive as a few thousand pesos to as cheap as less than a P100. I got a Kenneth Cole Men's longsleeved buttoned shirt for P75 bucks!

What the famous Anonas ukay looks like outside.

Toys range from P5 to P100 pesos

Colored leather jackets in cerulean, mint, and lilac!

Weird Fendi mules for P1000!

3. Isetann Recto

"ISETANN RECTO?!" I hear the non-existent crowd say. YES! That dusty, seemingly unsafe building in Recto where snatchers thrive in the outside is actually a goldmine(not exactly "goldmine" since I only saw three lang) for Ukays. The best part about these ukays which you'll find in the third or fourth floors is that since it's inside a mall, at least it feels a wee bit safer.

May I remind you that depending where you go, you'll pay a bit more for the clothes but that's okay! The occupants needs to pay rent and you still have clothes cheaper than brand-new ones sa SM/ROBINSONS/METRO!

I discovered Isetann by accident one day when I walked all the way from San Beda-CEU Manila area to Recto (Waw daming time) after taking the board exams and saw no jeep going to Recto.

Fun fact: I promised myself no more jokes so yun

Again, not my picture because I'm scared manakawan ako ng phone taking a photo of its facade huhu

Pros:
- It's easy to commute! Go down Recto station of LRT2 and voila! Also accessible by LRT1 by going down Doroteo Jose but will take a manageable walk pa. 
- The mall looks jej but at least may aircon.
- You'll have more to choose from for both men and ladies!
-One of the stores has a wide array of sale items but at the same time, regularly stocks on new arrivals.

Cons:
-IT'S IN RECTO. PROTECT YO SELF
- One of the stores rarely goes on sale below 100 for an item 

Was literally a passerby when I passed this by lol lol lol

...BUT when you pass by inside, this is the madness you'll be greeted with! Half of the store is dedicated to sale items while the other is the new arrival one.

This was the ukay whose cheapest item was P100 but you can find a ton of highstreet brands here and super trendy items too. I was able to buy a good dupe of the famous Realisation skirt for only P100 bucks!

Some clothes I bought in these ukays which you can't find anymore because I bought them LOL:

Booming with PRIDE because mah rainbow dress is P120

Muscle tee that is perfect for the dilawan charot, P25.

Lozol green halter na malamang bawal gamitin sa loob ng DLSU, P25

Ripped jeans that look more like perfectly fine jeans with one tiny hole in one of the knees, P100

Celebrating (charot)because my high waisted vintage denim jeans were P100

Blouse, P75. Filter, Snapchat. Cat-eye skills, ONE TON OF TEARS AND WASTED EYELINER

Channeling my inner Ranma with this Cheongsam neck blouse colored like Pichan, P50.

Denim jacket with that famous Burberry tartan for P35

I only bought the sweater in the left which reminds me of Missoni prints meets woven basahan! P75 bucks I think?

Probably one of my best buys, specifically from Anonas ukay! A pair of Stylenanda jeans whose waist is more complicated than K-Pop dance routines! Char! (P100!!!!!!!!!!)

Dress that looks like it's new arrival from Mango worth 2k when it's really new arrival from the Ukay worth P120

Lost and confused here--just like school and national politics

I'm not sure if everyone has heard this but some say that college government and politics mirror that of current society.

I'd like to think more than that, it's what we should expect from our generation once they run the country some 10, 20 years from now.

I just thought of making this post because I see that issues regarding the University Student Government (USG) sprouted up again--some sins from past school years surfacing again when for me, they are never truly forgotten.

Maybe some bring up these issues as a joke, which I believe is one of the main reasons(lol). Here I am now, though, as a graduate and now in my work that exposes me to the real issues of this nation, reminded by these DLSU student government anomalies that were once scorching news back when I was in college.

When I was still in college, I used to despise how the student government was handled. To be realistic: no government, actual ones or not, is perfect. At the same time, I partially blamed students for not taking advantage of the democracy given to them with how we have the power to choose who we put in power. Don't like anyone nominated? Then vote for abstain, not actually abstain the elections.

I used to have a simplified view of how issues regarding the student government would be discussed. Of course, I'm not oblivious to corruption cases and  incapable officers that have long plagued the USG, but I just see it as just that: these accused are horrible people unworthy of their positions, the end.

Being a graduate now who unexpectedly fell into the world of journalism, I view it now as something different.

Probably you'll ask: How come these still matter to you even if you're already out of the university for good and probably would be accused as some "pakialamera" in student politics I don't have to be under anymore?

From the lens of a reporter, I've had my fair share of witnessing and knowing issues to heart, and reporting a filtered, straight version of it. While the output of my work is just the straight up news, as a reporter I absorbed everything I witness prior to producing the articles. There are lots of issues I don't get to put out because of professional reasons.

A reporter's job zeroes in on the officials as much as they focus on their actions and insider knowledge about them, which is probably more than only a tenth of what is being put out their, won't easily go away.

On the the other hand, we live in an age where we will always use the past against someone--especially if someone has proven then to be unworthy, incapable, stupid, shams. But at the same time, our societ still loves pushing these type of people higher into power.

I guess that is the best way I can thread the relevance of USG's past controversies to my life now: that these kids who fooled around with internal funds and/or these kids who only won because of popularity and influence could be pushed upward in society.

You see, people who are hungry for power in DLSU then are always the ones with the means--in every sense of "means" (money, popularity, bloodlines, etc.). Starving for power doesn't immediately go away; it follows you even out of these great halls of school.

Maybe I'm just paranoid or assuming but let me explain some more.

It scares me that the same people I walked those university halls with are also people who join me now in the workforce and are also contributing in their own ways to this country. It terrifies me that some of them now, at least I heard, are doing well regardless of whatever happened in the past in DLSU when they allegedly betrayed all of us as a student body. It is a frightening thought really, although I don't wish them ill at all, they will be the people who'll probably run this country; its businesses, its government, its courts.

They'll be some of the CEOs, the Senators, the Justices--the future power holders of the country who have you under their hands.

And when that time comes, I'll be an insider in a different sense. Insider in a sense that I was the student who probably made the mistake of voting for some of them and witnessed school year after school year of issues more than solutions.

I'm not saying to expect the worst but rather, don't be surprised when it DOES comes some 10, 20 years when we see the same smiling faces that went room to room or shook your hand in between class breaks someday holding power over the nation and failing us again.

While many of the accused in USG's juiciest scandals of all time are considered innocent til proven guilty, I just hope the future voters in both the university and this country will realize that no one wants governance that is marked with confusion on who to trust or not.

It's not kahel! It's like, a brassy bronzy coppery shade

On my cheeks, lips, and the Victoria's Secret Runway 2018: "Kelsey" from Colourette.

On my lips: EB Lip and Cheek Tint in Toast of New York

"Oh! I didn't know you were there!" Pose for the camera and those people in politics na walang kwenta.

Wearing Colourette "Lola" on my lips, because the color and name is so me.