I'm about to turn a year older this week (LIBRA SZN) and I guess, the fact that I'm already officially into my mid-20s makes me reflect on what I've done so far.
I watch people my age do it all: have high paying jobs; travel a lot; get married; have kids. Here I am, nearly two years since I graduated college and since I joined the labor force, somehow feeling a little pressured to achieve the same but am realistic enough to know the kinds of means and job I have.
I will lie if I told you I never wished that things were a little easier to afford everything. I felt a little disappointed recently because a solo trip I planned to take abroad on my birthday week won't be feasible with the funds I currently have, which is reserved for grad school next year. It does bother me how at my age, I worry too much of expenditures which happen way fast when you don't earn too much. And it gives you that self-loathing that you can't be like people your age who are enjoying the best of their 20s in some airplane to anywhere.
Sometimes I feel bad too because I feel I could be helping out a little more with the house expenses or maybe afford to spend on my parents' insurance since they aren't getting any younger. I feel like a failure sometimes, because I can't seem to insure myself too when I need to. Or pay for health expenses for myself without sacrificing an arm and a leg. Or afford to pay for a house installment so I can finally own property.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm pushing my long term goals aside for doing what I am at the present. How about having an MA and PhD before 30? I do feel a little envious when I see my friends in college pursue postgrad right now, wondering if I'll get to afford it soon enough.
But I digress....
You see, maybe I'm experiencing a lot of setbacks but I'm not as left behind as I seem to be. Sure, I don't earn much, but I'm not in debt even if I only earn enough to spend on day to day expenses. It does suck that lots of luxuries I thought I can afford are out of reach at the moment, but it won't be that way always. Maybe not now, but I know I'll be given better opportunities in the future that could open much more doors and maybe allow me to spend a little more as much as I'll be able to save.
Maybe I'm not getting married or having kids at my age, when people I know in their mid 20s are already having stable relationships. I'm young and I sometimes laugh to myself as to why others scare me into settling now or I won't be as ripe and lovely in the future. Makes me wonder why people think of falling in love these days as a rat race. Rats are ugly, fyi and so is doing things in haste.
Also, how many people my age can have the passion to do things they are now without asking a huge chunk in return? I know, I know. I must be so idealistic and romantic in this frickin economy, but I'm just happy that I'm learning so much lessons that I know if I had taken the higher paying jobs back then, I won't have the kind of intellectual and emotional capital I am gaining as a reporter.
I recall going out with this entrepreneur and when I asked what drives him to be where he was, he would always say money and material things. It kinda made me sad because the wisdom and knowledge I gained from the field isn't something that can feed me as he actually pointed out (I know. He's a jerk), but god damn it will open doors and hell yeah I am doing something I am so passionate about. As long as the only person I'm supporting so far is me and I have my family's blessing in allowing me to immerse myself in this grueling field of journalism, why would I take the route that will only make me financially happy but make me emotionally and intellectually deprived?
Also, I pat myself in the back because I reached this place in my life without a silver spoon and as someone who fought her way through the stigma people had about me in the industry. No. I wasn't privileged enough to have a wide network of reporter friends prior to entering the field nor be financially supported by my parents because the pay isn't high. I'm doing things on my own and at my own pace and demand.
So in case you feel that you're left behind for someone your age, just remember this: there is nothing that defines achievement because achievement is different for everyone and for every age. Maybe I feel I can push myself more but am I far behind? Not at all! And so what if I don't have what others have? They don't have what I could only achieve and appreciate which is beyond earning lots of money or owning expensive things. My own achievements were tailor fit for me and will lead to something more.
